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Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 22nd, 2010 @ 10:55pm

I imagine a Todd Phillips movie where Liquid, Kenzo, Lemonfresh and I are on the mission to get Konanda laid before graduation, not just laid once, but laid in every state in the USA; including Alaska and Hawaii. It's vacation time!

Todd Phillips would direct.

Luke Wilson plays Konanda as the straight-laced college student who's never touched a bong in his life (but soon will, as the movie progresses, with HILARIOUS results). His first and only sexual experience was when he was 16 and he cried at the end, this lead to his insane urge to 'do good at school' which none of the others understand.

Will Farrel would play Liquid as the loud-mouthed alcoholic who drums up having sex with hundreds of chicks but infact he's still a virgin (he bangs a chick in Hawaii, later marries her in the credit roll pictures). He swears alot, and gets the group into trouble with the FBI, Hawaii-Five-O (Grace Park makes a short appearance in this movie, she actually is the one that deflowers Liquid and they get married at the end).

Ken Jeong plays Kenzo, as the anti-stereotype Asian, he has an 11 inch dong, the opening scene that introduces Kenzo is him in a threesome, as a goat walks past the bed with Kenzo's jeans in his mouth. He's a sex fiend, who knows how to make sushi.

Zach Galifianakis plays Lemonfresh as the quiet, smooth talker who is the biggest stoner ever but always has something profound to say, he is like Confucius on dope.

Ed Helms plays me as the married guy who wants to come along because he's wanting to chase some tail after getting married at 18, getting a job, as all his friends went to college, he wants some excitement, has the money and comes up with the whole plan to get Konanda laid in all 50 states.

Sell it.
Last edited by KindGalaxy on Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:02am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby LiQuid » Oct 22nd, 2010 @ 11:03pm

$50 mill opening weekend, easy.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 22nd, 2010 @ 11:08pm

We could totally get some amazing cameos across the way. Billy Bob would play Konanda's dad, a high executive that hates Konanda's friends (that's us), in one scene we all end up in jail and Konanda's dad refuses to bail us out, but lucky for us we have Kenzo who sweet talks the lady jailer into letting us 'slip out', Michelle Rodriguez plays her.

Heather Graham would surely be up for a role, perhaps as the Alaskan chick, totally a hippie in 2010, still thinks its the 70s, listens to Pink Floyd, this is when Konanda first tries LSD.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 22nd, 2010 @ 11:23pm

My mind is blown away with what I just thought up.

The movie opens with this chick that Konanda isn't into, but she's into him, its her birthday, he goes to the pub-party but doesn't do anything with her. He goes back to study. This is when Ed Helms/KindGalaxy is introduced, sipping a vodka and lemon lime in the back of the pub, he's disgusted with his friend, and so the plans are in motion. KindGalaxy goes to Kenzo, Liquid and Lemonfresh, banging on Kenzo's dorm door, its slightly open already, the camera pans across the bed as Kenzo is in a threesome with two white chicks that love his foot long, the goat passes across (its the football mascot), Kenzo's jeans in his mouth. KindGalaxy and Kenzo both start the mission to get Konanda laid.

Liquid and Lemon are on board, and the journey begins.

But throughout it all, despite getting laid in all 50 states, Konanda realises that the chick who was into him, from the start of the movie, who had the birthday, he actually really does dig her, and in the closing credits they kiss on screen. Not sure who plays her yet... suggestions welcome for Konanda's onscreen true love.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 22nd, 2010 @ 11:29pm

Zach/Lemon is introduced with Kenzo and KindGalaxy entering his off-campus house (dude sells drugs, he doesn't live on campus), he's there with a chihuahua and a bong watching Animal Planet, Chimps fucking on the tv and Zach/Lemon is just giggling. He's down for the journey to get Konanda laid, but throughout the movie he keeps asking,

"Duuuude, why are we in [Enter State Here] again?"
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 22nd, 2010 @ 11:33pm

Liquid is introduced by beating off to Cortana from Halo, he totally hides it though, Lemon, Kenzo and Kind all know what he's doing but acts dumb. In a way this is also a great chance to get Liquid laid too.

So,

Konanda agrees cos he doesn't have en excuse (its vacation time!)

KindGalaxy is bored with his marriage, and disappointed Konanda isn't tapping every ass in view (in the end he realises his marriage is the most important thing in his life), came up with the idea.

Liquid joins because this is his best chance to not be a virgin (and hey, he gets to bang Grace Park!)

Kenzo joins cos he's never tasted East-Coast pussy before.

Lemonfresh joins cos... well, he was stoned at the time.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby LiQuid » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 12:06am

I'm glad you're having fun but I literally stopped reading at "Michelle Rodriguez."
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 12:30am

LiQuid wrote:I'm glad you're having fun but I literally stopped reading at "Michelle Rodriguez."


She was a cheap choice, we have a 20 million dollar budget here man, we can't be getting Megan Fox.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby Konanda » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 7:47am

KindGalaxy wrote:I imagine a Todd Phillips movie where Liquid, Kenzo, Lemonfresh and I are on the mission to get Konanda laid before graduation, not just laid once, but laid in every state in the USA; including Alaska and Hawaii. It's vacation time!

Todd Phillips would direct.

Luke Wilson plays Konanda as the straight-laced college student who's never touched a bong in his life (but soon will, as the movie progresses, with HILARIOUS results). His first and only sexual experience was when he was 16 and he cried at the end, this lead to his insane urge to 'do good at school' which none of the others understand.

Will Farrel would play Liquid as the loud-mouthed alcoholic who drums up having sex with hundreds of chicks but infact he's still a virgin (he bangs a chick in Hawaii, later marries her in the credit roll pictures). He swears alot, and gets the group into trouble with the FBI, Hawaii-Five-O (Grace Park makes a short appearance in this movie, she actually is the one that deflowers Liquid and they get married at the end).

Ken Jeong plays Kenzo, as the anti-stereotype Asian, he has an 11 inch dong, the opening scene that introduces Kenzo is him in a threesome, as a goat walks past the bed with Kenzo's jeans in his mouth. He's a sex fiend, who knows how to make sushi.

Zach Galifianakis plays Lemonfresh as the quiet, smooth talker who is the biggest stoner ever but always has something profound to say, he is like Confucius on dope.

Ed Helms plays me as the married guy who wants to come along because he's wanting to chase some tail after getting married at 18, getting a job, as all his friends went to college, he wants some excitement, has the money and comes up with the whole plan to get Konanda laid in all 50 states.

Sell it.



So you are making a fictional film? Because everything in here is totally fictional.

1) I'm Canadian and going to a Canadian university not the U.S. Also I would never want to go to a university in the U.S.

2) I've smoked weed from a joint, pipe and a bong before. Also had it in food before.

3) I've been laid many times before.

4) Actually much of my spare time is spent socializing and sometimes to much (probably contributed to failing a couple courses)

5) My dad is a retired head shift supervisor from a nuclear power plant and currently works on contract as an engineering consultant. He has a Masters in mechanical engineering. He's not some executive buisness type he loathes them almost as much as I do. He also runs a farm as a hobby.

6) Have fun when Master Higgins likely locks this thread. Personally I don't care but this has seemed to be the pattern whenever someone makes a moronic topic about one forum user.

Also this film sounds pretty meh. I mean I'm pretty sure I've seen about three or four teen comedies like this.

7) University is expensive and trying to get a job once you get out of university is hella competitive so I work during the summer to help pay for my expenses and get some practical experience and references.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 8:35am

You're wayyyyyy too serious duuuuude.


This is a quote Lemonfresh shall use in this movie.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 8:37am

Konanda wrote:6) Have fun when Master Higgins likely locks this thread. Personally I don't care but this has seemed to be the pattern whenever someone makes a moronic topic about one forum user.



That was a thread that got locked cos Liquid has a sore bum about Jinpei. This is a movie pitch involving fellow users in a fun manner, now; who plays your love interest?

I think we get Eliza Dushku, with glasses, all nerdy up but in the end she takes the glasses off and we find out she's a total babe.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 8:39am

Konanda wrote:Also this film sounds pretty meh. I mean I'm pretty sure I've seen about three or four teen comedies like this.


That's why we get Todd Phillips! Dude made Road Trip, Hangover, Old School, Frat House, Starsky & Hutch. He's got the contacts to get us the cameos.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby LiQuid » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 8:46am

ITT: Konanda pulling a Jinpei :lol:
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 8:50am

Brain storming session right now! Totally gotta get Steve Carrell to play Brick Tamland, perhaps he can introduce the weather in Arkansas in a segment. Will Farrell/Liquid could make a funny quote here referencing Anchorman. Whoa whoa whoa, what if Todd Phillips and Adam McKay co-directed Konanda Trail! Ohhhh God! We could get Christina Applegate to play the Arkansas lay for the lead!

The Lead is now known as Kurt Conda, as played by Luke Wilson to prevent any copyright infringements with the Konanda brand.

If Liquid, KindGalaxy, Lemon-fresh and Kenzo could sign wavers on their names, that'd be great.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 8:51am

LiQuid wrote:ITT: Konanda pulling a Jinpei :lol:


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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:00am

The movie's working title 'Konanda Trail' is now renamed to the studio production title of 'Conda Gotta Get Laid'

Trailer has the deep voice dude saying this,

Kurt Conda, a geek among geeks who's only sexual experience left him crying and NOT from his one eyed lizard, only now his friends have a plan; get him laid by graduation, in all 50 states. Starring, Will Farrell as the dominant virgin obsessed with poon but never getting any, Ken Jeong with the foot long dong, Zach Gallifi..gallifi... Zach as the stoner friend who never quite knows where he is,

This is when we cut to a scene of him asking 'duuuude what are we doing in Texas again maaaannn?'

and Ed Helms as the married man living vicariously through his college buddies. Coming Summer 2011, Conda Gotta Get Laid hits an independant, 3D cinema near you!


Booyeah! I edited the thread title, now it's officially Conda Gotta Get Laid.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby LiQuid » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:05am

I approve of the title change.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:07am

LiQuid wrote:I approve of the title change.


Good man! Consider yourself getting a contract bonus once this gets green-lit by Orion.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby Konanda » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:25am

KindGalaxy wrote:
Konanda wrote:6) Have fun when Master Higgins likely locks this thread. Personally I don't care but this has seemed to be the pattern whenever someone makes a moronic topic about one forum user.



That was a thread that got locked cos Liquid has a sore bum about Jinpei. This is a movie pitch involving fellow users in a fun manner, now; who plays your love interest?

I think we get Eliza Dushku, with glasses, all nerdy up but in the end she takes the glasses off and we find out she's a total babe.


Master Higgins has locked more threads then that one when he thought they may be inspired as a way of attacking another user.

Anyway I know you don't care about following any sembelance of reality in your generic teen comedy but the actual birthday girl doesn't wear glasses and is some mix of turkish and persian ancestry although born in Canada and speaks English excellently. [dunno about her French] Also has a ridiciulously long nose, is in the faculty of Social Science and majoring in Psychology. [I forget her minor]

**On a side trivia note I don't know why but of the women who have been attracted to me most have been of Persian ancestry. It's kind of weird I thought it would balance out more but it's noticablely bent towards Persian chicks that are into me [somewhere around 1/3 or so] followed by women with some Italian ancestry.

Only thing I can really think of is describing the women that have have been/are attracted to me that go into those groups is they are short and small/petite/delicate [however you want to say it] so maybe they were just into tall, broadly built guys. (although what's funny is for the same reason I've had people tell me they were intimidated by me until they got talking to me a bit and finding out I'm very nice and pretty non-violent)

Although it's likely just coincidence or more dependent on the whole height/build thing that I mentioned at the end.**
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby PantslessJedi » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:26am

With the title change, you can set up for a series of awkward attempts to get laid which inevitably fail, yet draw the audience to the main character out of pity!
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby Konanda » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 9:28am

LiQuid wrote:ITT: Konanda pulling a Jinpei :lol:


Not really. It's a fictional film plot that has been done before. I was actually chuckling at some of KindGalaxy's mad ideas on here.

Funny thing is I've seen worse ideas for a teen comedy before.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Konanda Trail"

Postby jinpei05 » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 10:54am

KindGalaxy wrote:
LiQuid wrote:I'm glad you're having fun but I literally stopped reading at "Michelle Rodriguez."


She was a cheap choice, we have a 20 million dollar budget here man, we can't be getting Megan Fox.


Actually, at the rate her career is tanking, you could probably scoop her up on the cheap. :lol:
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby lemon-fresh » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 11:33am

Buahaha!! Awesome job kind, I'm in!
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby kenzo » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 3:57pm

Hah, reading this thread made my day. Don't get so upset Ko, its all in good fun. Apparently I'm an insanely deviant sex fiend with a third leg? Why not? :lol:
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby Konanda » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 4:07pm

kenzo wrote:Hah, reading this thread made my day. Don't get so upset Ko, its all in good fun. Apparently I'm an insanely deviant sex fiend with a third leg? Why not? :lol:


Read the post at the top of this page. I'm not upset it just seems like an uninspired movie. Some of what KindGalaxy wrote I thought was funny but the rest screamed generic teen comedy. Like I said though I've watched worse before.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby BEARinaMANSUIT » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 4:24pm

I thought this was going to be a movie about trying to get Condalisa Rice laid, I'm disappointed.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby kenzo » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 4:50pm

Konanda wrote:
kenzo wrote:Hah, reading this thread made my day. Don't get so upset Ko, its all in good fun. Apparently I'm an insanely deviant sex fiend with a third leg? Why not? :lol:
Read the post at the top of this page. I'm not upset it just seems like an uninspired movie. Some of what KindGalaxy wrote I thought was funny but the rest screamed generic teen comedy. Like I said though I've watched worse before.
Of course it's uninspired. It's Road Trip meets Old School, with a lot of the same players involved. But as a joke on a forum, it's pretty good. Don't over think it. :lol:
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 23rd, 2010 @ 5:31pm

PantslessJedi wrote:With the title change, you can set up for a series of awkward attempts to get laid which inevitably fail, yet draw the audience to the main character out of pity!


Now this, this could really work! I'm thinking Kal Penn in Van Wilder, humourous, fumbling attempts to get laid that always wind up making trouble for the group. This could give the story a low point from which the group have to pick themselves up, Oh! Right before they goto Hawaii.

Conda unsuccessfully gets laid, AGAIN, it's in California this scene, on the beach, all four are walking along the beach, its a bright clear day, Conda is saying,
"I just don't know guys, it's like... no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get a babe to get me laid, I've been thrown out of a window, set on fire, kicked in the balls... twice, puked on, and that overly large woman from Wisconsin fell asleep ON TOP OF ME... I just think we should go back home, it's just not going to happen."

That's when Ed Helm's character pulls out the tickets to Hawaii and says, "Ohhhh yeahhhh?".

Cuts to rock music, airplane scene, kenzo getting head in the airplane bathroom

Hawaii is the final scene for the movie, this is where it all picks up for EVERYBODY. Liquid gets laid with Grace Park, Conda realises his true love, Ed Helms figures out his wife is all that matters, Lemonfresh gets to try the world's greatest dope and Kenzo has the most exotic sex he's ever had... with only one woman.

Final scene is all of them looking at the sunset in Hawaii, kenzo saying, "she knew... things."

Classic Todd Phillips credits roll, with a bunch of still frames showing what happened over the course of the next 6 months, Conda graduates, is in a steady relationship, Liquid gets married to Grace Park, Ed Helms and his wife are having a baby, Lemonfresh is just sleeping in his bed between the ass cheeks of two women and Kenzo... he moved to Hawaii, we see him tied to a bed in bdsm gear, with the chick who "knew things." standing above him. All in all, everyone is in a happy place at the end.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby KindGalaxy » Oct 24th, 2010 @ 2:51am

We could do a sequel in Europe!

5 years on, Conda's girlfriend (of 5 years now) is studying abroad in Copenhagen. KindGalaxy has the 10 years-of-marriage itch and wants to see Amsterdam. Lemonfresh wants to try some Euro-meth, Liquid, is doubting if Grace Park was/is/could be the best lay and wants to find 'wilder fields' of sex since she was his first and only, and Kenzo took a 5 year sobriety from sex to focus on his body (dude gets buffed without the sex) and is feeling the urge to unleash his Godzilla across Europe.

Basically Conda is worried after Liquid keeps telling him how sexual Europe is, and after trying to call his girlfriend over a week and nothing, he wants to hit Europe. KindGalaxy wants to do it cos he's got the itch, and all the rest follow in line.

Little did we know Lemonfresh, despite being a stoner, can speak perfect French, Italian and German... in this movie it's all about the little guys from the first movie. KindGalaxy, Kenzo and Conda take a backseat, this is Lemonfresh and Liquid's time to shine. Lemon continues to be the stoned Confucius of the bunch, now in four languages!

We could totally get the entire female cast of Battlestar Galactica to make cameos as Liquid fucks is way across a dozen countries to Copenhagen; even Mary McDonnell, as the Amsterdam foot-fetishist.

I don't know how it'd end yet.. perhaps Conda's girlfriend of 5 years has really been cheating, perhaps he proposes to her at the top of the Eiffel Tower, and perhaps Lemonfresh finally makes the Leaning Tower of Pisa become horizontal in a hilarious accident.

This might be best as a direct to dvd release, I am not sure.
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Re: Todd Phillip's Directs "Conda Gotta Get Laid"

Postby kenzo » Oct 24th, 2010 @ 3:23am

I like the EuroTrip meets RoadTrip story you've got going there. But this isn't spicy enough to be a sequel.

Somewhere along the line, someone has to die (you or me) in a bloody, freak accident that comes out of nowhere. It's a tragedy which temporarily devastates the entire group. Everyone is about to give up and go home, when the ghost of the dead friend shows up to LiQuid. The ghost will be all like, "Hey man, what the fuck do you think you're doin!? I didn't die so you could pussy-out and go home! Go get your dick wet and fuck some bitches while you still can! Because up in heaven here, it just isn't the same..." The ghost pulls down his pants to reveal nothing (angels become asexual in heaven, a la the film Dogma). "So get laid for not just me, but for yourself... Because you're gonna miss your junk when you're dead." LiQuid will be inspired, gives a corny speech about how our time on Earth is limited, and convinces the whole troop to press forward. Everyone agrees except Conda, which forces the group to chloroform him in order to get him back into the car. Awkward questions are brought up about where the chloroform came from, and Ken Jeong (if he's the one who is still alive at this point) starts to gets defensive, and the subject is never mentioned again.
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